You might’ve experienced that moment when your child is losing it over something you probably can not imagine why, but you can see in their eyes that it’s everything to them?
It is easy during those times to feel like a failure—that you should know how to guide them through it, but you are left standing there, feeling helpless.
The thing is that your child isn’t broken, nor are you doing anything wrong.
You are watching their brain in the process of learning to make sense of the world, which is sometimes overwhelming and impossible to predict.
The 5 Stages of Emotional Development in Childhood
Every child moves through these at their own pace. There’s no rushing it, no matter how much you want to skip the tantrum phase.
Stage 1: Infancy (0-12 months) Your baby is building their emotional foundation:
- Learning that crying brings comfort (not manipulation—survival)
- Mirroring your expressions and energy
- Playing peek-a-boo, which teaches them that things can disappear and come back
- Starting to understand that they’re safe with you
Stage 2: Toddlerhood (1-3 years) Welcome to the emotional wild west:
- They discover they’re separate people with their own wants
- Shame appears—suddenly your opinion matters deeply
- They’ll try to comfort you when you’re upset (usually by bringing you their most treasured possession)
- Every feeling is huge because their brain literally can’t regulate yet
Stage 3: Preschool (3-5 years) Imagination becomes their processing tool:
- They work through fears and experiences in their play
- They learn that people can pretend to feel things they don’t
- Real empathy starts showing up with friends
- A scary movie can haunt them for weeks because their brain can’t distinguish fantasy from reality
Stage 4: Early Elementary/Middle Childhood (5-11 years) Social rules start mattering:
- They learn when it’s okay to cry and when they need to hold it together
- Peer approval becomes important—sometimes more important than yours
- They start understanding that different situations call for different emotional responses
- They might smile while telling their friend something critical because they’re learning social finesse
Stage 5: Preadolescence and Adolescence (12+ years) Everything gets turned up to eleven:
- They start recognizing their own patterns (“I always get angry when I’m tired”)
- They develop multiple ways to cope with stress
- Their values begin shaping how they handle difficult emotions
- They’re figuring out who they are, separate from you
How to Help Your Child Understand Their Emotions
You do not have to be a therapist. All you have to do is just show up for them and be sincere.
- Find a way to label the feeling they are experiencing. “You seem frustrated” works better than “Don’t be upset.”
- Narrate what you see. “You appear to be quite tense.” This assists them in relating physical feelings to emotions.
- Share your own stuff. “You know, I feel overwhelmed today because of all that I have to do.” They need to be taught that adults also feel.
- Don’t fix everything. Occasionally, just being with them in their sorrow is more helpful than attempting to dismiss it.
- Separate feelings from behavior. “Being angry makes sense. Throwing toys doesn’t really solve anything.”
How to Describe Your Child’s Emotional Development
Some days your child will seem emotionally wise beyond their years, and the day after, lose it because of mismatched socks.
Emotional development implies that they are gradually becoming better at determining what they feel, why they feel it, and what to do with it.
They are also learning that other people have inner worlds as well, which is, in fact, quite mature.
The kid who can say they are anxious about the sleepover rather than the fact that they are not going? That is emotional maturing.
The one who sees their friend appear sad and then asks what is wrong? It is emotional development as well.
Is It Okay to Tell Your Child They Hurt Your Feelings?
Depends. Are you informing them, or do you want them to handle your feelings?
Empathy is best taught when you say: “When you called me stupid, it hurt my feelings because I love you and I was trying to help”.
The phrase, “You can always hurt my feelings,” places them in control of your emotional life, which is not right to do to a child.
The point is to get them to understand that what they say and do can have an impact on other people, not that they should ensure everyone is happy.
Building Emotional Intelligence Together
Emotional intelligence is about being real about what you’re feeling and having healthy ways to deal with it.
Some families do regular emotion check-ins.
Others read books together and talk about what characters might be feeling. Others develop family agreements concerning safely managing large emotions.
What counts is the follow-through. Your child should know that all feelings are allowed to be expressed in your home; however, not all behaviours are.
To Conclude
The emotional development of your child occurs regardless of your focus.
But once you know what is really happening during those big emotional moments, you will be able to act in the spirit of wisdom rather than panicking.
Those meltdowns over the wrong cup? Your child is learning that they have preferences and that not getting what they want feels terrible.
The slammed door over the backpack? They’re practicing having boundaries, even if their execution needs work.
This isn’t about raising perfect children who never have big feelings. It’s about raising humans who can feel deeply and still function in the world.
Support your child’s emotional development with professional guidance.
At Faith Mental Health and Wellness, we get that parenting doesn’t come with a manual.
We help families develop knowledge about what is actually going on behind those problem behaviors and emotional tantrums.
Maybe your child has meltdowns regularly. Maybe you want to improve communication in your family.
Maybe you simply want someone to tell you that you are not messing this up because you just feel like you are. We are here.
Contact Faith Mental Health and Wellness today and find out how we can help you along the way.